A Mother's Sentiment To The Authorities of Sacred Heart Academy of Pasig

I noticed that the school recently launched a strong campaign against bullying. And I am quite aware that most of you, including his classmates, tagged Michael as bully. I even witnessed (without her knowledge that I was there) one of your supposedly promoter of good conduct, had Michael recited these words over and over "I will not be a bully anymore."

Let's call spade a spade.

A bully, according to Webster's Dictionary, is someone who hurts or browbeats those who are weaker. I am not sure if Michael ever committed any act of harsh intimidation against anyone on a weak position. He never acted that way at home even with his little group of friends and cousins. He is loud, sure. I agree that when he is in school, he likes drawing attention to himself. But were there multiple reports that he intimidated someone harshly? And even if he did, do you imagine what would happen to a seven year old boy if words to the effect of him being a bully is inculcated in his mind?

Two days ago, when I was alone with Michael in one of our relaxed moments, I asked him how feels about himself. Without hesitation but with a hint of sadness that only a mother can sense from his son, he replied timidly "I am bad."

It crushed my heart.

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...If it's guilt, then I am

It was around 8 on a Saturday evening. I was watching television and Michael, my seven year old son, was in front of the computer playing online games. Suddenly, the computer's screen turned black, then it flickered continuously like it went into a frenzy mode. I hurriedly got up and tried to close all programs but since the images were moving so fast and continuously, there wasn't much that I could do. I pressed the power button on the tower hoping to save some of the programs. and when I turned it on to check its status, my desktop was gone. Everything was just black.

Panic started to creep on my bones. I was barely 5 day old on my new job as a home-based call center agent, and my shift was to start at 10 that evening. Out of frustration, I looked at Michael and screamed "What have you done?!" I picked up my slippers and hit him over and over, venting out all the frustrations I have kept in my heart for a long time. Pictures of his past odiousness flipped through my mind. I hit bottom. I was screaming at him telling him how evil he was, that I had to give up my previous job because of him and how he caused us a lot of humiliation. I shoved him to the door and told him that I don't want him in my life anymore.

Michael sobbed incessantly, until he peed on his pants.

I couldn't bear the sight . I felt so depleted that I just turned my back on him and headed to my room. I lay down on my bed. I was trembling.

I cannot remember how long I stayed lying down.

And when I finally collected myself, I went back in front of the computer. Michael was still standing there where I left him.

I never looked at him. I was still unsure how I felt about him until I heard a tiny voice:

"Mama, I'm sorry..."

It was filled with so much regret...so much pain...and so much fear.

He was so scared, yet he was brave enough to utter those words.

You can lose all your sanity, but you will never lose your heart that goes to your child.

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